An experience not to be missed!
Over the weekend I went to the Gailani Art retreat
with slight trepidation considering what I would create and would it actually
fit the expectation of those attending. I was literally nervous not from the
prospect of actually painting; I have been doing that since childhood, but
that I would be judged based on what I produce on canvas.
Bought my own supplies of paints,
brushes and two canvases thinking that I would attack the smaller one first, since it
would be easier to tackle a small blank page. To me it
represented a task of splashing colors and just getting on with it. After
talking to a few other “artist” or attendees some of who have vast more
experience is painting and had an artistic flare that I could not consider
matching; I was advised to go for the bigger canvas with the reasoning that it
would be more difficult to work magical art concepts on a smaller canvas.
This information actually shocked me to my core! What was I to fill that entire void with? How would I be able to make something semi decent that would later be presented to the group?
This information actually shocked me to my core! What was I to fill that entire void with? How would I be able to make something semi decent that would later be presented to the group?
Against my better judgment I heeded
the advice given, and propped the big canvas on my easel thinking that I had a
few more minutes before contemplating what it was I wanted to do
with it. As we sat in a circle going through the morning meditation I tried
clearing my mind and focusing on the concept that was presented to me (can't
share what it is since we were sworn to secrecy). Anyway I thought hard and
attempted to believe that I got what I really wanted to accomplish, as I walked
back to my seat I was slapped by the task at hand and wanted to just sit there
like a mute and not lift a finger.Those around me seemed to 'get it' and were so eager
to get to work. Looking around I saw those who were already splashing colors on
canvas as I sat there feeling very numb. What are they doing? How
could they just put color to paper without having an outline on the canvas?
I sat there for a good eternity
contemplating my doom as a creative artist. Then I thought to myself to just
pretend that I knew what I was doing and just commit to getting paint on
canvas. Once I started I moved on very quickly and somehow assumed that I was
creating my interpretation of the concept given. I was actually very pleased
with myself as I drifted into contentment until it was shattered by Gailani!
He had warned us earlier that he would be walking by to “trash” our canvases. I knew for a fact that I didn’t want mine touched, regardless of how it looked I still owned that piece of work, and refused to have someone come along and modify it in any form.
That’s when I was shot in the dark.
He had warned us earlier that he would be walking by to “trash” our canvases. I knew for a fact that I didn’t want mine touched, regardless of how it looked I still owned that piece of work, and refused to have someone come along and modify it in any form.
That’s when I was shot in the dark.
I was so engrossed with my painting that when Gailani came by and said “Dahlia,
who are you painting for?” I knew I was doomed and that my painting was not up
to par as to what was expected of me. He said “Are you trying to fit a norm? You’re
looking to be accepted by those around you. At the moment I don’t see any of you within
your painting.” In my head i argued otherwise.
I was being attacked at full force and the inner child in me was about to burst out in tears. How could he have read right through me?! Then he said “You realize that your different and you don’t need to fit into any norm or expectation” that’s when realization struck and I smiled.
I was being attacked at full force and the inner child in me was about to burst out in tears. How could he have read right through me?! Then he said “You realize that your different and you don’t need to fit into any norm or expectation” that’s when realization struck and I smiled.
He triggered something in me that
shouted out “don’t conform”, so I picked up a wet brush and swished it across
my canvas creating a blend of all the colors that I had used. That’s when he
smiled and said “Yes! That’s it!” and like a child I went on painting like that
during the whole session.
With the sound of background music I
went on with my task, unaware of those around me and simply engrossed with what I was
creating. I never thought that music and painting could bring so much of my
emotions unto the surface. There was a part of me that wanted to cry, then suddenly I wanted
to dance to the drum beats that were driving the air around me, then the next
second I was angry for being defined and not allowing myself to be.
You need to understand that while growing up my persona has always been to never be defined by anything around me, and it was a constant cause of argument with my family, specifically my mother. I never seemed to meet her expectations of what a good daughter, mother or sister should represent and during the Art Retreat I was brought back to that definition of self. The rediscovery that I did not need to fit in, that I am my own person and just good enough the way I am. That has always been the way I lived and want to live. I am not defined by the extension of me being a daughter, wife or mother my internal system simply does not accept it and at times I blame it on being an Aquarius(excuses).
You need to understand that while growing up my persona has always been to never be defined by anything around me, and it was a constant cause of argument with my family, specifically my mother. I never seemed to meet her expectations of what a good daughter, mother or sister should represent and during the Art Retreat I was brought back to that definition of self. The rediscovery that I did not need to fit in, that I am my own person and just good enough the way I am. That has always been the way I lived and want to live. I am not defined by the extension of me being a daughter, wife or mother my internal system simply does not accept it and at times I blame it on being an Aquarius(excuses).
As the day progressed at the Gailani Art Retreat I opened up, and allowed my old artistic flare to come back. I
created my own interpretation of what I saw, accepting that those around me need not understand it or comprehend. It was my work and I owned every bit of
it, and the journey was mine to keep.
I came out of the retreat with two
works of my “masterpieces”, with a new perspective on myself and what I am
capable of, but most importantly that I do not have to be defined into a norm
by those around me. I rediscovered me with a huge nudge and an attack to my
creative soul, which I had initially refused to propose to the world.
******
If you’re interested to explore your
artistic self or to get to portray some aspects of yourself then contact the
Whisper of Serenity or the Gailani Art Retreat I would be joining in the
upcoming retreat next month, just to explore this new journey of self.
If you would like to see my creation
and final artwork, then look me up on Instagram where I have posted a few
pictures and a short video clip of the day.
ايش اللقطه
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